And what this have reminded me is that, after all, this is what I was longing when writing my diaries 10 years ago. It is funny that every time that I was trying to write to myself I ended writing for "a probably reader in the future" Then I suppose that I wanted to be read. Yes, I wanted to speak.
And it is funny that this diary gives me opportunity to be read and to speak with others. A "degree of sensory interaction with the world" And I know, there is people who chooses, needs to write to themselves and maybe it has been circumstantial that they are doing it here. But others, (me!) cannot avoid to forget that there is a world there to interact with.
And maybe it is only circumstantial that the "etiquette" requires us to hide some particulars. Maybe it is better in that way. Maybe because it feels better to be what I am and not what I could pretend to be.
And I am seeing how this is not like a notice board or a chat. When I "logout" I am not doing it. My diary is still there, open. I lock it.
What does it feel to be oneself? Thanks to a Quetzal bird that on this moment is struggling with some one who wants to put her in a golden cage, I know it. It is like some others are. As I told her, it is that feeling of "I am not the only one, and then I can be different to what I fear" Sounds silly but after all and as she said...life goes on!
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Als das Kind Kind war,
genügten ihm als Nahrung Apfel, Brot,
und so ist es immer noch.
When the child was a child
apples and bread were enough for him.
And it is still that way.
Peter Handke
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