Sunday, March 27, 2005

Dining and the aftermath

Let me tell you about a fantasy where we are having dinner in a restaurant. We have been dating each other a couple of times and it seems that we like each other…but nothing more had happened yet. You are wearing a skirt and how it stretches to your legs was the first thing I noticed when I saw you. The dinner and the chat have made me forget about it. But when you came from the loo I can’t help but notice it again. This is the after dinner, I fill your cup of wine and while I observe your lips touching the cup unconsciously I move one of my legs. It finds in its way yours and my reflex retracts it. You look at me and smile. I smile and move again my leg between your legs. This time very consciously we play. You trapped my leg and I try smoothly to get it free. Then I use my other leg to trap yours! We are twisted.

Later in the cinema my hand finds your thigh and adventures a slight caress. I see you smiling. We will have our first kiss and more caresses will follow from both of us. We are getting hot and on the way to your place our hands are learning to explore each other bodies. It excites me that we have been in public places but we had managed to be discreet but intimate at the same time.

In you room I am embracing you. While I told you all my thoughts about your skirt in the restaurant I start to take it off…but I only undo the zip…It turns me on the feeling on my hand of your legs with the skirt. I offer you a massage in the bed. You want to remove your cloths but I tell you it’s not necessary. I will take care of them later...

Friday, March 11, 2005

Things I hate about my Flatmate

Things I hate about my Flatmate

Moviendose entre niveles

Como siempre, la experiencia es lo que cuenta...y no es lo mismo entrar por primera vez a la pista que saber los movimientos. Y siempre hay una decision, una estrategia a decidir, un plan a seguir.

Thursday, March 10, 2005


...despues de tomadas las propias, no hay nada como un espacio relajante, hermoso y tranquilo como este. Venir aqui a desenmaranyar un poco estas telaranyas que se tejen solas en la mente. Lo peligroso es que el tiempo avanza sin avisar. Cada vez que me quiero dar cuenta el reloj ya avanzo mas de lo que quisiera. Y a la segunda ronda ya soy un anyo mas viejo.

Se lo que tengo y lo que no tengo. ?Como no preocuparme de lo que quisiera tener?
?Como solucionar simplemente tal dilema?

Paciencia, control, control?...mas bien sueltalo, sueltalo, sueltalo!!!. Todo tiene su tiempo.

Otra copa por favor.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Tuesday, March 08, 2005


That Easter I heard mass in York cathedral and, asking for answers, my heart said “wait, Wait! will find”.

That hot summer I met her dancing salsa and everything clicked so well that soon we found ourselves living together.

After one year we separated. Why things went wrong?

I was not prepared to live with her. How many times I have said to myself that love is not to be worried about the other half but to learn to discover who is really the other one? And so, I forgot to leave some fears outside the house. And forgot to leave some obsessions.

I was used to girls who play hard to get. Those says about “the hunter” and “the challenge” worked on me. I was used to work hard to get what I wanted. But, I might be overambitious. And I cannot control my tastes.

I could educate my tastes and discover that a good natural match with someone is as good as “hunting your pray”. For good and for bad. My problem with trying hard and succeeding was the addiction to competition. Hunting only taught me to “enjoy” catching the pray, not how to cook it, eat it and taste it. On the other hand a good match eventually suffered of a lack of excitement.

I wanted to marry her, we wanted to have children (but at different times) I was faithful. When did things go wrong? We planed things too fast. And when I had the feeling that I was giving her my life I didn’t tell her the prize I was charging her for that. I reckon I didn’t know it myself. Which didn’t stop me growing expectations about us:

· “If you want to do this or that you are perfectly free to do it but…(and my fears-concerns were honest) what would we teach to our kids? Your way or my way?” (1) We have to agree with some simple things.

· “What if I don’t feel like turn on today? And what if spanking you doesn’t turn me on when having sex?” We have to enjoy sex in similar ways.

· “We have dinner with your friends on Saturday. I want all Sunday to be with my friends or alone” She has to make concessions if I am pleasing her.

· Etc.

I cannot avoid thinking I was right having expectations. And I presume that how to manage them was our problem. My recollection is that both of us were too stress trying to fit each other in the “perfect relationship” that solves every problem without major fuss. We did all the opposite, making every little thing a big fuss.


(1) Now my sister has given me a lesson speaking up for herself saying: “I always wanted to be like you…but today I am realizing I want to be myself!!!” And she and I can be very different, despite the same parents. So, then why am I so worried about education when personality has also its share in life?

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