500 000 people

That's approximately the population in Helsinki .


After arriving by ferry to Helsinki from Stockholm J and I visited the city, including a trip to Suomelina island "the Nordic Gibraltar" as it was on its days of splendour and war. We spend more of the time there, walking, enjoying the good weather, visiting the museum and even an old WWII submarine. This was the highlight of the trip, so old, so narrow and of course a weapon of war. I know, wars are stupid, killing other humans is barbarian but...how nice artefacts they have produced. Now an historical and recreational place, the whole of the island is devoted to the old fort...to war.

My friend and I said goodbye at 18h after meeting her boyfriend. They had a midsummer celebration ahead the next day, which is a big thing in Scandinavia . From my part and after checking in the hostel I was lucky enough to find a place where to dance Salsa! It was incredible...the atmosphere, the people, the behaviour is very similar to what I have experienced in Bristol . As always there were people I liked to dance with and people with it just didn't work.

The highlights of the night were three:

M, an English mate who has been living here for years gave me a good bunch of impressions about the Finnish culture. For example he considers the Finns more alcoholic and colder than the English! (I suppose that is why at some point during the night a drunk guy approached me to tell me "Not smiles!" Unfortunately he didn't answer to me when I asked him "Why?" with a smile.) M said that if someone has a problem they leave that person alone, that they can be aggressive but it takes time to them to explode.
A friendly Finnish girl I enjoyed dancing with and chatting.
A Russian girl who was too shy or to proud to dance but insisted on talking. I almost had the impression that that old couple that she introduced me as her “friends” were her parents!

Nordic summer

I'm back from the north.
I went to Stockholm for a conference and to Helsinki for some days off.
My first impressions of Stockholm were a remembrance of...Den mark, ha! Yes! Scandinavian big cities are very similar in many aspects in my humble opinion. They look and feel clean, ordered, relaxed. People, as in any city is moving all around but at least they don't look as stressed or hurried like in other cities. Let's just consider that my impressions are from summer time...probably there's another story on winter. At least I heard more than one foreigner being surprised for the change in mood of people during summer. While in winter they are kind of grumpy and silent in summer everybody is friendly!

If it were enough to stand, without the words

Inman: This doesn't come out right. If it were enough to stand, without the words.
Ada: It is, it is.
Inman: Look at the sky now. What color is it? Or the way a hawk flies. Or you wake up and your ribs are bruised thinking so hard on somebody. What do you call that?



Inman: You are all that keeps me from sliding into some dark place.
Ada: But how did I keep you? We barely knew each other. A few moments.
Inman: A thousand moments. They're like a bag of tiny diamonds glittering in a black heart. Don't matter if they're real or things I made up. The shape of your neck, that's real. You were always carrying a tray.
Ada: You wouldn't come inside.
Inman: I wouldn't come inside.
Ada: I had to carry a tray to come out and see you.
Inman: The way you felt when I pulled you to me. That kiss- which I kissed again everyday of my walking.
Ada: Everyday of my waiting...

To L

Hi L! On these days I have seen other people's pictures but nobody seems to have captured a rainbow with their camera. What about you?



In one postcard to my sister I told her that rainbows in Ireland are rare because of the gold that is associated to them. Of course there are many kinds of gold... :)



For example, when in Killarny Youth Hostel I was sitting outside after a brief rain I saw a rainbow. At that moment I was a bit sad and trying to alleviate that I wanted to play Frisbee...with nobody around to do it, ha, ha! But the sight of the rainbow was beautiful enough to make anyone happy and I was not the exception.



I was following with my eyes all the extension of the rainbow when precisely, in one of its extremes, I saw a person. No, it was not a leprechaun! It was C walking in the road, coming back from visiting the town. She sat down in the bench and we had a little chat. Unfortunately she didn't want to play Frisbee.



In the postcard to my sister I also told her that Ireland is a magic land...and I was convinced about that because, while sitting and chatting with C a dog came from nowhere. And this dog turned out to be a Frisbee catching one! I had great enjoyment with him?, her?!!



So the lesson I learnt from all this happenings was that rainbows really get you to the gold, and gold have many faces! Faces like... a friendly face, an intelligent and charming dog …Everyone different, everyone with a colour, like in a rainbow, but all lovely in their own way.



I hope you are having a nice and not too hard work week!

Window

Window

I know what you are looking for

it's the same story I am looking for

for everybody wants a story

Perhaps we don't see

through the same window...

Do you see sunshine or heavy clouds?

Maybe we are not looking...

at the same time

in the same way and place.

But we know what we want to see

maybe it's not what everybody

says it should be,

but it's our real story

and now it seems to be there

outside...

(I look through the window

and know that my story is there,

...maybe with you...

however

are you there?)

------------------------------------------

Expect the unexpected

How Realistic Are Your Expectations of Marriage?

You scored 86% correct!


Below are your complete results, but did any of the answers in this quiz catch you by surprise? Do you disagree with any of them? If you're not already following it, check out the Repair Your Relationship workshop for a five-step program full of proven marriage-saving strategies. Whether you're on the brink of divorce or simply interested in improving your relationship, this workshop will help you create a new set of expectations for a happier marriage.


You scored correct answers to questions: #1, #2, #4, #5, #6, #7
You scored incorrect answers to questions: #3

Question #: 1 Conflict and anger are signs that your relationship is failing.
Your Answer: False
The correct answer: False
Answer explanation: All marriages, even the best marriages, have their ups and downs. It's impossible to live under the same roof with another human being for any length of time and not disagree now and then. People in loving marriages understand that conflict goes with the marital territory. It's more than unavoidable, it's necessary. People need to let off steam and air their differences. When they don't, they're in for trouble. In fact, the single best predictor of divorce is the constant avoidance of conflict!

Question #: 2 You're more likely to divorce if you have different likes and dislikes and interests, and come from different backgrounds.
Your Answer: False
The correct answer: False
Answer explanation: Research shows that people who stay together and are happily married are no more similar than those who divorce! They come from decidedly different backgrounds, hold different beliefs and have sharply different interests. But what separates those who have successful relationships from those who don't is that they learn effective ways to deal with their differences and handle conflict. They nurture the interests they do share and try to develop new ones from time to time. Successful couples believe that life would be incredibly boring if their spouses were mirror images of themselves. Instead, happily married people learn to appreciate their differences, find ways to grow from them or simply make peace with them.

Question #: 3 In healthy relationships, major disagreements always get resolved over time.
Your Answer: True
The correct answer: False
Answer explanation: Research shows that approximately 60 percent of what couples argue about is unresolvable! If you eavesdrop on couples' arguments as newlyweds and then again after they've been married for 25 years or more, you might be surprised to find that much of the content is the same. However, the way in which people discuss these heated issues does change over time. People tend to mellow a bit, which makes a huge difference in how their partners react to them and vice versa.

Too many people think that their marriages are in trouble because they continue to argue about the same things for years. But the truth is that this is very common. If you have been thinking that in good marriages people eventually find mutually satisfying solutions to all major problems, you've been fooling yourself. This just isn't the case.


Question #: 4 In healthy marriages, both spouses have the same definition of what it means to be loving.
Your Answer: False
The correct answer: False
Answer explanation: No two people define love in exactly the same way. What it takes for you to feel loved is probably fairly different from what it takes for your partner to feel loved. Why? Your definition of love springs from a number of factors: your upbringing, your culture, your gender, and your life experiences in general. Since you and your spouse have had different life experiences, you will undoubtedly view love differently as well. Although this, in and of itself, is not problematic, it will become a problem if you fail to honor and accommodate your partner's point of view.

If you and your spouse have spent years debating about love definitions ("If you loved me, you would want to spend more time with my family" versus "If you loved me, you would want to spend more time alone with me on weekends," and so on), stop wasting time. You're both right. To have a loving marriage, you have to put yourself out and love your partner the way he wants to be loved.


Question #: 5 People just fall out of love.
Your Answer: False
The correct answer: False
Answer explanation: Some people believe that they need to divorce their spouses because they've fallen out of love. First of all, people don't just fall out of love. If love dwindles, it's because the marriage wasn't a priority. The number-one cause for the breakdown in marriages in our country is that people don't spend enough time together. They take their spouse and their marriage for granted. Work, kids and other obligations become more important than spending time together. When this happens, during the little time people do spend together, they end up fighting. This distance and alienation sometimes fool people into thinking they've fallen out of love.

Second, love isn't just a feeling. It's a decision. Happily married people understand that if they engage in activities that bring love into the marriage, they will feel loving. There is no major mystery here. You both decide on a daily basis whether you're going to spend time together regularly or do your own thing, forgive each other or hold grudges, accept each other's weaknesses or point fingers of blame, apologize when in error or smugly stand your ground, be generous and giving or put your own needs first.

Of course, we're all human and our ability to be loving and kind to each other ebbs and flows, as do our feelings for our partners. However, wise people don't allow negative feelings or the absence of loving feelings to make them question their commitment to their spouses. They just understand that they're going through a rough time and that soon, they will decide to do what it takes to evoke feelings of love again, in themselves and in their spouses.


Question #: 6 An affair doesn't have to ruin a marriage.
Your Answer: True
The correct answer: True
Answer explanation: There is little that is more devastating than to discover your spouse has been unfaithful. Most people take to heart the promise they make to forsake all others. The connection, closeness and intimacy and trust you feel with your mate is very personal, something that is meant just for the two of you. This is why infidelity feels like such a violation.

But affairs happen, and when they do, the repair of the marriage is no easy task. Sometimes those who have been hurt swear they will never recover. They're convinced that they will not be able to forgive and move forward in the marriage. And although it's completely understandable why people feel this way, it's also true that the future doesn't have to be as bleak as they are anticipating. Most people survive infidelity and can, in fact, make their marriage stronger once they work through the issues infidelity has brought into their lives.


Question #: 7 Most people are much happier in their second marriages because they've learned from their mistakes.
Your Answer: False
The correct answer: False
Answer explanation: Although it's true that some people learn from their mistakes in their first marriages and are able to develop happier second marriages, this is by no means the rule. In fact, 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce.

One of the reasons that there are more divorces in second marriages is that people enter their second marriages with the bad relationship habits they learned the first time around. They simply find new partners with whom they can do that old familiar dance. In addition, step-parenting issues make second and subsequent marriages challenging. But there is another reason why second marriages aren't necessarily better than first ones. Unless you understand that marriage doesn't make people happy, you will spend the rest of your life trading in marital partners for new ones. Happiness is a do-it-yourself job you can't rely on another person to fulfill you. Unless you feel satisfied with your own life, you will not be able to determine whether your unhappiness stems from personal or relationship issues.


www.ivillage.com

Go toora loora toora loo rye aye (Cold mountain)

Just some more notes about Cold mountain the movie. This morning I was having a look in the bonus material of the DVD. It includes a concert night with the music of the movie where people involved (including actors) sang, played, recited and read.
And that's the point I wanted to stress. I am impress by the movie on its artistic side. I don't know about definitions of spectacular movies my dear seagoddess but Anthony Minghella (same director of The English Patient) and his staff put their heart on the movie.

Well, I have to confess that at the beginning I didn't appreaciate the movie as much as after looking at the bonus material. But let's say that's a risk of our times where we are used to millions invested in spectacular movies. It was listening the director, the actors, following the process of making (in the documentary) and finally the special selection of music, what gain me in favour of the movie.

So the movie is worth to see and the music is part of it. Southern music of USA, a song composed by Sting, T bone burnet as executive producer... Directors I like have always paid attention in the music:

David Lynch-Angelo Badalamenti

Peter Greenaway-Michael Nyman

Win Wenders-U2, Nick Cave, Lou Reed, David Byrne, etc.

Emir Kusturica-Balkans music of the No Smoking Orchestra

Kristof Kieslovsky-Zbigniew Preisner and the music of Blue, White and Red

And there's more...last night I came back from a show of traditional Irish music where everybody had opportunity to shake the body and try dancing in groups. I like and practice salsa but this was different and I think that it's the social part of it. Dancing in groups is good to reaffirm your sense of society. Then just think in the Civil War, a nation torn and the music there to try to keep people together.

Gosh!

Time passes at the speed of light! I am glad I am not a physicist otherwise I would have some regrets about being methaporical. In any case, Monday is gone and still have load of things to do.

A second (again in methapor) to relax and comment about Cold mountain, the movie of the book with the same title by the same director of The English patient.

I couldn't stop watching it from the beggining to the end yesterday night...including the commentaries section. As they said it's kind of a USA Odyssey. This guy Inman had a destiny to fulfill, let's say give a child to Ada. In his journey he conects his life with other's lives and necessarily changes them for good and for bad.

To be in tune with the Civil war, a quote by Lincoln I friend sent me: "Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power."